seeing the forest for the trees.

I think, if I tried to see the forest, I would be thrown into a serious state of Overwhelmed.  In order to keep from going crazy, I have to look at each tree individually.  I have a lot of trees, currently.

The casting call last Sunday was interesting.  I drove to down into PA (which meant I spent two hours on the train and four hours in the car, both ways) to this hotel where Wilhelmina was hosting the call.  I stood in line, filled out some paperwork, got a number, walked down a long runway in front of 300 other gorgeous people (and a panel of talent scouts), and left.  It was pretty easy and I'll find out in a week or so if they're offering me a contract.  I doubt I'll get an offer but I'll probably turn it down if I do - there's a $2000 startup cost (to pay for my initial photoshoot and comp cards and website fees and shit) that I can't front.

Work isn't bad.  I'm getting better at hostessing and last week some of the other people there actually started to talk to me, and I didn't feel so weird and awkward like I did my first week.

Of course, I'm enjoying working as an electrician.  While I'm still getting the shaft in some ways because I'm the new kid (at focus call, I think I focused maybe six lights), I like the other people I work with and the work itself is comforting.  I think I'm working as a board op through Christmas and the New Year, which is fantastic.  December and January are notoriously slow months in the theater scene around here.

I went with some of the other kids from school to a backstage tour at the Gershwin on Saturday, and it was FUCKING INCREDIBLE.  I got to get up close and touch the costumes, and practically felt my heart flutter when I checked out the lighting rig.  So amazing.

Today I bought fresh produce at the market, and made sweet potatoes for dinner.  I have a lot of trees but I can manage them all, one day at a time.

What would happen if you said yes, instead of no?

I woke up yesterday totally sick.  Cecilie was sick with some kind of head cold last week and I think she gave it to me.  In any case, I was totally miserable and pounding Zicam like it was my job, because yesterday I had a business meeting in the city with the producer of the show I'm doing off-off-Broadway.  He wanted to show me the space and answer any of my questions before we shake hands on the deal.

Well, I arrive at the theater to find him waiting outside - apparently, there was a matinee performance going on and we couldn't go in and look around.  Annoying, but we couldn't do anything about that.  I was ready to tell him good-bye and walk back to Times Square, until he asked me out to lunch.  And, well, I hadn't eaten anything, and I really wanted to have a cup of tea...so I said sure, okay.  We went to this cute French/American place and I had a to-DIE-for omelet.  The conversation really started going, and then all of a sudden our business lunch became a full-day romp around New York City and Brooklyn.  It was so much fun!

While we were out, I got an email.  Yesterday morning I'd emailed the two major MEs in the city, and one of them emailed me back and offered me a load-in gig on Wednesday.  I'm so excited about it - I'm a bit of a work junkie like that. 

Anyway.  So.  I'm the kind of person who responds to intriguing ads on craigslist, like this one.  I kind of responded to it facetiously, because Wilhelmina is a huge and very well-renowned modeling agency.  I sent them all the necessary information, a headshot (my FB profile picture),  and a full-length shot (which I took with my iPhone, using my mirror).  I figured I'd never hear back from them, because the volume of responses they get is, assuredly, enormous.

Well, today, I received an email from one of their talent scouts, inviting me to their casting call this Sunday.  Which I'm TOTALLY GOING TO.  I mean, I doubt I'll get picked for representation, but what a cool and random opportunity.  It's in Pennsylvania, though, so I'd have to drive out there.  But hey, so far, I don't have any plans for Sunday.  Why not go to a casting call in Pennsylvania?

Kate does not get stood up.

So I did, in fact, get a lighting design gig through OKCupid.  I went out with the producer last night, on a date/business meeting at a really charming bar in Prospect Heights.  I, of course, got hopelessly lost trying to find it (Grand Army Plaza is confusing in the dark!) but I think being a city noob is an endearing quality.  I think.  I had a super fancy drink that took me close to three hours to consume (bourbon, Cointreau, bitters, champagne, and something else.  And a lime slice) and we had a really lovely time.  Tomorrow I'm going to the theater to check out the space.

I spent the day in Manhattan today.  I went to Times Square, and officially hate it.  There are four kinds of people in Times Square: confused tourists carrying maps, promoters wearing sandwich boards, those who need to stop every three feet for any number of dumb shit reasons (texting, taking pictures, corralling children, etc), and annoyed natives.  And pigeons, eugh.

If a guy tells me he likes my pants, is that just a new way of saying he likes my ass?

let me get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans.

So, all those boxes I packed last week made it to the apartment today.  Six boxes in total, with the seventh still in transit.  Finally, I have the rest of my clothes!  And dry goods.  Seriously, I've been living off of almonds and bread the past few days.  I had all these cans of soup, but no can opener, so I'd gaze longingly at my favorite black bean soup while nibbling bread and feeling sad.  But now, I have a can opener, along with all kinds of other goodies. 

I slept late today, and then lounged around the apartment (I couldn't really go anywhere, since I knew my packages were arriving today and I had to sign for them.  Although what are you supposed to do if you're not there?).  It made for a really peculiar day.  Unpacking was fun though.

This apartment has an Aiphone and neither Cecilie nor myself have figured out how to use it.  We really ought to, since I think we can use it to buzz people into the building.  I'm also still trying to understand the intricacies of my combination washer/dryer. 

I think we have a third roommate, but unfortunately her room is currently filled with cardboard. 

Tomorrow I go check out this club I might start working at, and I'm super super nervous.  I'm worried that all the other people who work there will be super gorgeous and tall, and I'll be all short and awkward and I won't get any tips.  And I'll spill a tray of drinks, or something. 

And, my thoughts on last night's episode of Glee?  "OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT!"

hustle with the quickness.

It's a really difficult transition, to go from running errands easily in two hours with a car to riding the subway and walking everywhere to do the same amount of errands in five hours.  And, I'm completely exhausted.  I got home just before five and wanted nothing more than to eat dinner and lie down, except it was wayyy to early for either.

I did put up my curtain rod (if you ever happen to need one and you get the cheapest one at Target, ignore the directions.  They're horrendous) and now I don't feel like the people across the street and the people one block over are watching me undress.  (Of course, up until this point I had been changing in the bathroom, which reminded me of that awkward stage of college when you weren't sure if your roommate was cool with you being naked in the room while she was in it.)

And now...now I don't really have anything to do till Thursday evening.  I kind of hate not having plans, or work, or something.  Although I feel like I should easily be able to find things to do, I almost don't know where to begin.

The woman sitting next to me on the uptown train this morning was tweezing her chin hair the whole way into Manhattan.  It grossed me out.  I was in such close proximity to her!  And then some douchebag on the J was doing a crossword puzzle and clicking his pen incessantly.  I was very, very close to going up to him, snatching his pen, and breaking it in half. 

I like people-watching, bagels, and the fact that I bought two bras for $4 from a store having a massive clearance event.  They're super cute bras, too - the kind you wish you could wear on the outside because they're that adorable. 

do not attempt to measure flame. burns may result.

The past three days have been a hectic, ridiculous blur of activity.  This will be a long entry.

On Saturday, my aunt and uncle drove me and all my shit to the apartment.  Moving in was surprisingly easy; my uncle found a parking spot close by and between him, me, and my roommate Cecilie, we got all my things up to the apartment quickly and easily.  I unpacked my kitchen things and bath things, unrolled my cot mattress and comforter, and fell asleep obscenely early.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day at Ikea.  I finally understand why Ikea is so damn inexpensive - because customer service is almost impossible to come by.  You really have to put on your best sad, lost Bambi eyes in order to get some help in there. 

So, I went into the showroom first, which was very attractively set up but somewhat difficult to navigate, thanks to the bazillion other people there trying to furnish their apartments.  I went into each area and looked at all the items I had already selected from their website.  Once I finished in the showroom, I went down to the self-service furniture area, which was populated by people blindly wandering the aisles with flatbeds, trying to figure out how to get their desired bookcase unit down from a shelf that's approximately two stories up in the air.

After muscling my two chests of drawers, desk, and chair onto a flatbed, I noticed something disturbing.  There was a decided lack of Ikea staff on the floor to help with the large, heavy items, and I had a shit ton of large, heavy items still to procure (including a double bed and a sofa).  After standing at the bin containing my bed (which was on a shelf at my head height) and frowning, unable to fathom a way to get the bed down myself, I abandoned my two flatbeds and tracked down the one guy working in that area.  I gave him my best helpless face, and he grabbed a guy from another department and the two of them helped me get the rest of my things, and then wheel my three flatbeds and one shopping cart up to checkout and delivery.  They were really sweet; I'm sure they had a bunch of other things to do and they didn't have to help me after we got in the checkout line.

 Now.  So, that was all a little overwhelming in and of itself - I've never dropped so much money in one afternoon, and there was just so.  much.  stuff.  A bed, a mattress, two five-drawer chests, a desk, a chair, a couch, a coffee table, a giant paper floor lamp, a nightstand, and lots of small things like water glasses and curtains.  My head was spinning with all of it.

I scheduled for home delivery and assembly for today, and the guys arrived with the stuff around noon.  Everything was going okay at first, until they started nitpicking the order.  For example, the order listed all the pieces I had paid to have assembled.  On that list was a "chest."  This, apparently, is not the same thing as a "five-drawer chest."  A "chest" just has one drawer.  After several minutes of extracting this information from one of the functionally illiterate assembly guys, I was ready to spit nails.

"So you're saying," I said with growing irritation, "you won't build it because it doesn't list that it has five drawers?"
"Yes," said one of the guys.  The other, whose spoken English was much better, added, "We can only build one drawer."
"You're fucking joking.  That's retarded," I exclaimed.  "You're going to build the fucking thing or I want my goddamn money back."

They exchanged a few words and started putting the chest together.  Now, if you remember, I had two chests, but the order only listed one, and they told me they could only build one.  I told them this was fine (Cecilie very kindly offered to help put it together). Somewhere around this time, the Cablevision guy arrived to set up our internet, and the place got hectic.  I then noticed that, very quickly, the guys had assembled both chests of drawers.  They were finished assembling everything, and were now demanding more money to pay for the labor for making that second chest.

"Are you kidding?  I told you guys not to build it!" I said.
In garbled, shifty English, one of them essentially told me, "Well, I built it, so now you have to pay me."
The other guy piped up.  "You have to pay him.  Give him something!"

I was fuming.  I refused to pay, both because they did what I told them not to, but also because I gave the last of my cash to the realtor today to pay for the processing fee for my paperwork.  But they both stood there stonily, not going anywhere.  I asked if they could send a bill, and they gave me some bullshit excuse about how the guy who built the chest didn't actually work for the company and so they couldn't send a bill, and couldn't I just pay him now?  I was thoroughly annoyed - both with them and with myself, for not monitoring them more closely.  But, I had a plan.  I went and got my checkbook, which immediately made both guys' faces fall.

"No cash?" one of them asked.
"No.  Just checks," I replied.  "That's all I've got."

They exchanged a few words, and said they'd take the check.  I gave it to them and told them to leave.  As soon as I shut the door, the first thing I did was call customer service at Ikea, and I filed a formal complaint with the delivery and assembly company.  Then, I called my mother and told her to put a hold on the check.  I'm still furious.  What a load of shit.

But, the upside?  I have a beautiful room and a beautiful living room, and Internet!  Tomorrow I'm going to Target to get a bed skirt and some nails so I can put up my curtain rod.

Not all my adventures today were bad.  I walked up and down my block in the sleet, because I'm curious about the neighborhood and feel like I should try and get used to the cold weather.  Let me tell you, there's all kinds of fun things near me!  I stopped in an ethnic beauty shop and a green grocer and enjoyed the atmosphere and culture.  I'm a little intimidated by everything - I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb, like some white country bumpkin.

I met a guy in the elevator.  He got on at the second floor with his bike, and I discovered that he, too, had just moved in.  He was very chatty and friendly, and said I should stop by his apartment and hang out with him and his roommate sometime.  He seemed nice.  I want to make friends with the people who live in my building!  It'll be like college again.  But without, you know.  Grades.

I'm tired.  If you read through this whole entry, I commend you and will bake you a cake.

I named him Henry.

Back at the end of September, I woke up one morning and imagined that it was the day I was leaving for New York.  I was gripped by such a panic that I had to take a Xanax.  For a moment, I couldn't actually believe that I would welcome the day it came time to leave.

But, here I am, in Winchester once again (oddly enough, in the same hotel room I was in when I came back from Stockbridge), with a car packed full of random shit that can't be shipped.  And I feel okay.  I'm nervous.  My mother cried this morning before I left, which of course made me cry.

I'm nervous, but I'm not freaking out.  To me, this is like going off to college, or Williamstown, or BTF.  Another adventure, and it would be odd if I wasn't nervous before the start of an adventure.

So, I'm going to relax in my hotel room and watch some Hell's Kitchen.

an urban hip-hop revival of the classic children's story? Because it looks like a bunch of DAMN VARILITES ON THE FLOOR.

I think I've experienced the two best moments of my day already.

First one.  I went over to campus to say my farewells to everyone.  I was in John's office, with John and Chris, being all chatty and whatnot. 

John: (discussing my Facebook status updates) "So, are you making up song lyrics, or are you just pissed at a boy?"
Me: "I'm pissed at a boy!"
John: (turns to Chris): "Told you so."

For everyone playing the home game, John is my former adviser and lighting design professor, and Chris is my former theatre history professor.  I love my teachers.  Of course, John has watched me go in and out of dating/relationships for over three years now, and is used to my academic and professional life being underscored by some kind of personal drama that at some point I will go to his office and bitch about.  His parting advice to me was, "Kate, there are a lot of men in New York.  Pace yourself."

Side note: I really would like a stable relationship.  Really.  They just don't seem to happen to me, though (for further details, re: that post in October where I analyzed this in greater detail).  I hate dating.  Dating sucks.  Not that I want a relationship simply because I hate dating, but...dating is tedious sometimes.  And it's so hit-or-miss.  You guys know what I mean.  Right?

Second one.  So yeah, I have a profile on OKCupid.  (Don't judge me.  I've had it for years.  Judge me because I have a profile on PlentyofFish that I keep around because I get twenty to thirty messages a day, and it entertains and horrifies me.  I mean, some of the messages are really sweet, but the butchering of the English language makes me wonder what people are getting taught in their English classes these days.)  I get a message from a guy who turns out to be a producer, and he's producing an off-Broadway show and is looking for a lighting designer.  I sent him the link to my portfolio.  If I get a job through OKCupid, I will laugh, or vomit, or both.

I'm hungry, I need to pack my car, I leave tomorrow morning, I didn't put gas in my car.  Damn it!

all we can do is keep breathing.

I hope everyone went out and VOTED THEIR FACE OFF today.  For serious.

Thursday, I move out.  I'd say 80% of my life is packed up right now.  I'm waiting until the very last seconds to take down my lamps, since I can't stand my overhead lighting.  It makes everything (including myself) look like death.

I have a job interview for next week!  I spoke with the manager of one of the clubs I applied to.  Sounds like easy, well-paying work, and I would only have to work a few nights a week.  Which means I can spend my days doing career-related things.  This setup will either be awesome, or totally sketch.  I'm not really sure which.  All I know is I need to hit the ground running with the money-making - mostly because I'm paranoid of running out of money.  I can't impose on my parents; they already are having such a tough time money-wise (they're both successful entrepreneurs, and they get slammed with taxes all the time).  I know they'd help me if I needed it, but I really don't want to need it.

Something bit my face a few days ago (a spider?  Eugh) and it's kind of left this huge red, raw patch on my left cheek.  It looks SO bad, and feels super tender and sore.  I've been slapping Neosporin on it like there's no tomorrow, and it's only kind of helping.  It's cramping my style.  I hope it heals before my interview next week, because I answered an ad specifically for pretty model-type girls and I sent them pictures of me with clear skin. 

I'm going out for ice cream tonight.  Hooray! 

another odd craigslist job posting: "realtor needs weekend showers." Oh. Okay.

Why am I so tired?  It's 8 o'clock.  Granted, I was up at 7 this morning, and I've spent the day packing and making phone calls, I still don't think I should be so close to falling asleep right now.  Yikes.

But, my hallway is filled with boxes to ship, and boxes to go into the car.  I'm slowly deconstructing my room and packing it, which is thoroughly odd (that's why I'm doing it slowly, in stages).

I've been responding to job postings on craigslist and monster.com, since I want to start working right away and it just doesn't look like theater work is going to come up right off the bat.  I'm looking at lots of jobs at clubs and bars - things that require pretty faces and bodies, and not so much a particular trade or skill.  I've come to realize that I have no experience in anything but theater.  I've never been a waitress or worked in retail.  I was the electrics UA and did legal transcription (which I hated.  Don't do it, ever).  My outside skills are nil, and I don't have the time to get quality experience in a trade.  But, I can exploit how I look to make ends meet, and I'm okay with that.

Ugh.  So tired.  Maybe I'll just go to bed.