Why so serious?

All my life, I've lived within a very specific set of circumstances: I've lived at home, with my parents.  Or, I've lived in some college dorm-esque fashion, amongst large quantities of other people.  Now, I live in an apartment.  And even though I have roommates, I find myself having to deal with being, well...by myself.  Being alone.  I've thus come to a conclusion - I'm not very good at being alone.  I get depressed, I get antsy.  I never figured myself as someone who needed other people around, but I guess I am.

The other problem is, I don't have a group of friends up here the way I had a group of friends back home, and that makes me feel extraordinarily lonely.  This, coupled with the pressure I feel to experience an exciting life in the city, leaves me feeling like some kind of social reject.  Maybe I should start hanging out at bars, or something.


Life has been interesting, beyond my neuroses over being alone.  The play went up, performed for small yet receptive audiences, and closed.  It was a really intense experience, particularly during the load-in and build, and I encountered the problem of not having enough functioning lights to light the stage (which I solved, in a frantic two hours before our 10 out of 12).  I had a good time and was sorry to see the whole thing end, even though I definitely needed a rest by the end of it.

I spent Christmas in Westchester, which was really lovely.  I managed to get back to the city before we were completely besieged by the blizzard.  And let me tell you: blizzards suck.  I mean, the city looked very pretty at first, all white and pristine.  But the trains and buses were all fucocked, everything was buried under feet of snow, and now that people have gotten moving again and some of the snow has melted, the roads and sidewalks are covered with a thick black slush that looks thoroughly disgusting.  In a word: eugh.


**

I sometimes feel like, as far as my romantic relationships go, I keep experiencing the same conundrum over and over again.  I wonder what I'm doing wrong, if anything.  I don't know.  I probably shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with anybody right now, since I feel like I'm still sorting a lot of things out for myself.  But, at the same time, why does that process have to be mutually exclusive from the process of, say, dating?  I mean, why should things be so serious? 

There are FOUR LIGHTS!

So, a Facebook-related question.  Why do the same 10 or 20 people always show up in the sidebar on the left of my profile page?  I mean...I have 700 friends, and it's the same group of people every time I hit refresh.  It's a little bizarre.  Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon?

This song came on my iPod this morning when I was coming home from work.  I was on the N train and literally laughed out loud, which startled all the other people on the train (who were asleep).  I then felt compelled to dance down the street to it when I got out of the subway.

Yesterday was a good day.  I went to a run-through of Things We Want, the show I'm designing.  As an audience member, I really enjoyed it - there are a lot of brilliantly hilarious moments (I mean, it's Jonathan Marc Sherman, and there's a grown man wearing a Catholic schoolgirl skirt through a chunk of the second act).  As a designer, I found the run-through to be extraordinarily helpful.  Of course, I took a ton of notes, none of which I'll be able to implement since I think I have approximately seven lights to work with. 

My mother has once again sent me a care package full of shit I don't want or need.  I told her specifically to please only send things I ask for, because I simply don't have the space for extraneous stuff.  She sent me all these clothes I left behind (because I didn't want them), and I threw them all in one of those yellow clothing bins down my block.  And she sent this old bag of coffee that I remember buying at least a year ago, but never finished it because it was seriously vile coffee.  The only useful things in the entire box (and it was a big box) were a cutting board, a dustbuster, and my Ulta eyeliner.  My mother is either getting senile, or she's going out of her way to annoy me.

I should go back to bed.  I got home around 5:30 this morning, and I have work again tonight at 8, and I slept maybe three hours.

a smattering of random thoughts

I went to the Trader Joe's in Brooklyn yesterday, which was clearly one of the best decisions I've made in awhile.  I got a huge bag of sweet potatoes for, like, three dollars.  Which I then had to schlep home on the subway.

Our third roommate moved in yesterday, and she and I went shopping today.  It's lovely to have a full house around here!

My mom sent my pink plastic Christmas tree, and I set it up in the living room.  It's more kitschy than festive, but it makes me giggle every time I see it.

If I hear the phrase "right relationship, wrong time" (or some permutation of it) one more time I'm going to fucking smack a bitch.  Seriously, it's frustrating now.  It's not even commitment that I necessarily want, but I miss having someone to share experiences with. 

I go into tech next week for my show.  I'm designing it on an 8-channel two-scene preset, which is even less technologically advanced than the two-scene preset I had over the summer.  It's not really a big deal, since I knew in advance that the space's capabilities were pretty limited and accounted for that when I started thinking about the design.

CSI: NY is currently my new favorite show.  If only because they talk about places and I can go, "Oh my god, I know where that is!"


Tomorrow: bank, hair salon...PINKBERRY.  And laundry, maybe.  I got a cute new skirt for work and I need to wash it so it doesn't smell like Brooklyn's Target.