Why so serious?

All my life, I've lived within a very specific set of circumstances: I've lived at home, with my parents.  Or, I've lived in some college dorm-esque fashion, amongst large quantities of other people.  Now, I live in an apartment.  And even though I have roommates, I find myself having to deal with being, well...by myself.  Being alone.  I've thus come to a conclusion - I'm not very good at being alone.  I get depressed, I get antsy.  I never figured myself as someone who needed other people around, but I guess I am.

The other problem is, I don't have a group of friends up here the way I had a group of friends back home, and that makes me feel extraordinarily lonely.  This, coupled with the pressure I feel to experience an exciting life in the city, leaves me feeling like some kind of social reject.  Maybe I should start hanging out at bars, or something.


Life has been interesting, beyond my neuroses over being alone.  The play went up, performed for small yet receptive audiences, and closed.  It was a really intense experience, particularly during the load-in and build, and I encountered the problem of not having enough functioning lights to light the stage (which I solved, in a frantic two hours before our 10 out of 12).  I had a good time and was sorry to see the whole thing end, even though I definitely needed a rest by the end of it.

I spent Christmas in Westchester, which was really lovely.  I managed to get back to the city before we were completely besieged by the blizzard.  And let me tell you: blizzards suck.  I mean, the city looked very pretty at first, all white and pristine.  But the trains and buses were all fucocked, everything was buried under feet of snow, and now that people have gotten moving again and some of the snow has melted, the roads and sidewalks are covered with a thick black slush that looks thoroughly disgusting.  In a word: eugh.


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I sometimes feel like, as far as my romantic relationships go, I keep experiencing the same conundrum over and over again.  I wonder what I'm doing wrong, if anything.  I don't know.  I probably shouldn't be pursuing a relationship with anybody right now, since I feel like I'm still sorting a lot of things out for myself.  But, at the same time, why does that process have to be mutually exclusive from the process of, say, dating?  I mean, why should things be so serious?