9.5

w: 121.2

when I get panicky, I start eating vegetables.  Huge quantities of them.  And I drink gallons of green tea.  Like I'm trying to drown or push something out of my body.


being home is comforting, but lonelier than I imagined.  I realized that all my friends have moved away, or are still here in school but busy with their own lives.  I've been spending my days unpacking, reorganizing, going out by myself, idly shopping for things I don't need but seem to be filled with the promise of filling up whatever emptiness I'm experiencing.  As much as I love my alone time, I know too much of it is dangerous for me.  I can already feel myself getting restless.

the weather here is beautiful right now.  I'm thinking about going to the park with a book - you know, doing one of those supposedly calming, idyllic activities.  Or I could take a nap. 

I really am glad to be home.  I'm still exhausted, though, and still covered in scratches and bruises from the summer.  I feel gross.