I'm in a Fiona Apple mood.
The weather is really bad right now. I'm staying up to watch the weather, so I can wake up my mom and dad if we need to go downstairs and hide in the coat closet. Of course, I'm amused by the PSA aired inbetween the weather updates, which led off with, "Tornadoes are the DEADLIEST, most VIOLENT KILLER STORMS, EVER." Way to make us feel better about it, guys. I also enjoyed: "If you're in a mobile home...you should not be in a mobile home."
"All the ingredients are there for a tornado. It's like Grandma's apple pie. If you have the perfect ingredients, you get the perfect pie. We have the ingredients for a...perfect...tornado." OH MY GOD, I LOVE SOUTHERN WEATHER ANNOUNCERS.
Ooooooooh, lightning! Oh fuck off, tornadoes. I want to go to bed.
**
You know what's a beautiful feeling? Freeing yourself from emotional investments that were not paying off. It's exhausting, to pour your feelings endlessly into a vessel, hoping to fill it - and then, even though you discovered a hole in the bottom, you continue to try and fill it, and suddenly not only are you unable to fill the thing, you no longer want to. What are you doing? Why are you wasting so much energy? And then you stop, and look around, and notice that there are so many other vessels in the world, open and welcoming to all the emotion you have to give. Open and welcoming and willing to fill your vessel, too. (Not in a dirty way. Get your mind out of the gutter.)
It's the most hard-won feeling I know. I haven't won it all the way, yet, but I'm certainly getting there. I want to stop waking up feeling that ache. It gets better every day, though.
**
I got the application for my apartment. I'm a little nervous about the "references" section. I have no previous landlord. I'm also not sure where I put last year's tax forms. They're in a box. In my house. Somewhere.
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