- Talk about a lot of converging plot lines. Holy tying-up-loose-ends-while-still-leaving-me-feeling-unsatisfied, Batman.
- I did love Kurt and Rachel's rendition of "For Good," (albeit their severely and awkwardly truncated version of it) but
- I enjoyed reading the live #glee tweets on my mom's iPad more.
- Stop with the original songs, Glee. Please. Please. You're making Ke$ha look thoughtful and introspective by comparison.
- Matthew Morrison is the world's worst chaperone.
- I...I hate Penelope Cruz. I just hate her. And she's particularly nails-on-a-chalkboard obnoxious in this role. Keira Knightley, while often comparably frustrating, was so much more interesting as a young-woman-of-breeding-turned-pirate than Penelope Cruz as...well, just a pirate. She looks hot but every time she spoke I wanted to hit a giant mute button.
- All those veiled sex jokes? Unnecessary and unfunny.
- Loved Vernon Dursley as King George II.
- Too many messy, pointless fight sequences.
- Just go see Bridesmaids instead.
So, this past Wednesday was quite the entertaining day. It was Carnival/Fun Day at my mother's preschool. Which somehow involved me filling up hundreds* of water balloons. And I didn't even get to play in the bouncy castle (yes, there was a bouncy castle. For the record, my preschool totally never had a bouncy castle. I think we had an Apple IIe and a rocking horse, and a seemingly unending supply of Cheez-Its). The kids had a good time (but seriously, if you had a bouncy castle at your disposal, how could you NOT?), which was fortunate because everyone present over the age of 6 certainly looked worn out by the end of it - and if no one enjoyed themselves, then that would shake my belief in the power of the bouncy castle.
I went out with Helen on Wednesday night. I drove into Chapel Hill and we ate dinner at this terrific Vietnamese place, and then sat in the park and ate ice cream. I think the highlight of the evening was taking a joyride in her friend's borrowed BMW convertible. It made me feel like I was in college again - driving down the main drag of a college town, top down, blasting some kind of ridiculous hip hop music or something.
Yesterday I went out with Stephen, and we indulged in bad Japanese food at a little hole in the wall kind of place off of Wendover. I told him he needs to move up to New York already (I told Helen this too, actually) because the city would be so much more fun for me if they were up there. For serious. I'm slowly realizing that all my favorite people are, if not scattered across the country, in North Carolina.
Today I helped out at the preschool again, since it was the last day of school and nothing quite implies anarchy like the last day of school. Now I'm watching a show called "New York Originals" and it's about home-grown shops and restaurants and bars in the city. I'm fascinated by a place called Let There Be Neon down in Soho. If only I was more well-versed in neon, that would be a really fun place to work! I mean, bending neon tubing can't be any harder than all that analytical chem lab stuff I used to do, where I bent and pulled glass tubes over a flame, right?
**
I, of course, remain apprehensive about returning to the city, but as someone much smarter than I am recently told me, "you're not ready to run home with your tail between your legs, not yet. Actually, not ever."
I'm trying very hard not to be sad. "Fake it till you make it," Jenn used to tell me. I suppose as far as this particular feeling goes, I have experienced much worse. But this is something that never gets easier no matter how many times I experience it - it's like the first time every time. More than anything I'm upset at my own weaknesses - or more specifically, how my weaknesses don't seem to lessen over time.
You know, I was re-reading my old livejournal, and there were things I wrote three or four years ago that I could have written yesterday. In 2006, when I was a sophomore at Randolph-Macon, I wrote about my then-boyfriend's upcoming visit. "I'm nervous about having Ryan come up to visit me, largely because of my issues with personal space." Even in college I didn't want to show my living space to my significant other - but then, my living situation then is a lot like my living situation now (as in, I'm living in a place that I simply cannot make my home...thus making it a place I don't want to be in and don't want to share). In 2007, during my semester off, I quoted the one Bible verse you will ever catch me quoting, and it resonates even more strongly for me now: Blessed are ye who weep now, for ye shall laugh. Wow, do I need that written in big letters on my wall, now more than ever!
I lament life change, depression, bulimia, life responsibilities, troubles with boys/relationships/sex/etc, problems with money, insecurities about my talents and my future at large, and they all sound like problems I still have. And it freaks me out. Am I doomed to never outgrow these problems, only to pile on new problems, never able to solve anything? This is a genuinely upsetting thought for me.
**
I'm going out to dinner tonight at another one of my favorite Asian restaurants. And come hell or high water, I'm eating at Don tomorrow. Not leaving town without eating some of that spicy tuna don.
*okay, it was like, maybe 40. But it was really hot outside and there were ants everywhere and LOOK IT JUST FELT LIKE A LOT, OKAY.
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