you'll be the road, rolling below the wheels of a car.

So, my stay in Greensboro has been extended until Sunday.  The weather is just too damn nice here, and as far as I can tell the weather in New York is going to be gross until approximately the end of forever.  (Wait...wasn't that supposed to be Saturday?)  Anyway.  Being back home is surprisingly kind of great.  Maybe because New York wears me thin so easily.

New York is the kind of place that, for someone like me, compels me to constantly run on very high adrenaline.  Always moving, thinking, talking, processing - fast.  I didn't really think about how goddamn exhausting that is until I laid in my old bed in my old bedroom the first night I came home, and slept like the dead for 16 hours.  Let it be known that, in the city, I can never sleep like that, and I'd feared I'd lost the ability forever.

Anyway...other updates.  I quit the club (or got fired...or something).  I'm over that scene.  I'm over a lot of scenes, actually, but that was at the top of the list of "scenes to be over."

I've been electricianing off-Broadway for a few weeks and it's been like a balm for my soul.  There's something infinitely comforting about work that is simultaneously mindless and challenging.  And physically tiring.  And requires normal-people working hours.  I hope I keep getting hired; I'm under the impression that the next few weeks will be busy.  I need to know that I didn't make a mistake not doing another summerstock - although it may be better for me to stay in the city, even though I'd love to get out of the city for awhile.

No, I have to remind myself.  Stick it out.  I look in the mirror and tell myself stick it out.  I've been re-reading Gone with the Wind and I find myself relating very strongly to Scarlett.  You know, the part during the Reconstruction.  Margaret Mitchell once said, "Some people survive; others don't. What qualities are in those who fight their way through triumphantly that are lacking in those that go under? I only know that survivors used to call that quality 'gumption.' So I wrote about people who had gumption and people who didn't."


Perhaps I have gumption.  I charge into the world, over and over, even if I get beaten down with it.  I don't like the idea of giving up.  It rankles me.  I need to take a breather but I ultimately must keep moving forward.